It's 1:25am. I don't like going to be before midnight if I don't have to. My mind seem to spark at this time of the night. Maybe it's because everyone else is dreaming. I will have my first market on Sunday. It feels very strange. This is everything that my mind had set out to do for a few years now, but I feel like a crazy person. One part of me just can't stop making and doing things to the point that I feel like this is what I'm here for. The rational part of me is still confused of why I'm doing this because so far, it is a hollow and empty investment. I've poured thousands of dollars and a lot of hours to do this properly. I've exhausted my poor husband who constantly has to do me favors... I wonder if I've created enough things to prove justice to all that effort. I really hope that I have.  

Sometimes my husband relates to me with 'pretty things'. Depending on my perspective at the time, 'pretty things' means a lot of work and I get exhausted just by looking at it. When that happens, I'm taking beauty for granted. I forgot how and why beauty draws people. I've become a business owner and not an artist. In the past few months I learnt that when I decided to take business seriously, I became a making machine. 85% of the time I probably ended up doing things that I'm less interested and only have 15% to do actually what I want to do if I were an artist. I often wish to be left in Greg's parents farm and have a few weeks there where I can bring my piles of sketches to life... perhaps winter next year.

Nevertheless, the display is sitting pretty in my living room and I'm very excited about my first appearance in public. My biggest hope for the jewellery stall is to meet and talk to people. I hope people will enjoy looking at the stall and be inspired somehow. My biggest fear, is to have someone telling me that they think my stuff is ugly. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that situation just in case that ever happens so that I won't cry on the spot.

I have to say that I'm very not like myself tonight. Usually on a moment like this I would be so stressed to the brim and over think everything. But I feel so relaxed... and it feels so weird! I feel so grown up being able to overcome the feeling of stress. Not just that but I am so excited I have a feeling I will get very little sleep tonight. Some of my friends are coming for a visit tomorro- and there is no treat like having friends visiting you while you're at work. I feel so incredibly blessed already.